To Get to You...

I remember the skies as I walked home,
The stormy weather beckoned with a deadly grin,
I pulled over my hood and tucked my hands into my pockets,
I could barely make out what lay before me,
The wind blowing was so furious,
That it made it hard to see pass the swirling leaves,
The sun was losing the battle and slowly fading,
The thundering black clouds sailed in fleets,
Menacingly threatening the world below,
Who am I?
What is a lonely soul doing walking in the path of destruction?
Reasons were not found that day,
For no amount of danger could keep me from you,
For that's where I am home,
I looked up to the heavens and caught a glimpse of light,
Cold and tired but not deterred,
Oh what I would not do for you?
The ends of the earth is where I am walking to,
To get to you...
♥

Baby, Two is Better Than One...

The breathing is getting harder to do...

Dear God,
Please give me the strength to help me through this pain,
Lend me your hand and walk me through this path that is laid before me,
Let the tears that fall caress my weary heart,
Hear my thoughts and calm my soul,
Help me to see beyond the all the broken glass,
Let me soldier through the vast emptiness I feel,
And God, help me understand why I am hurting so that I can breath once again...
Amen.

Nothin' to it...

It's just me and the world today...

I'm lazing around on my couch with the wind slowly finding its way through the opened balcony door...

A cup of steaming hot coffee lay on the table beside me, filling the air around with its aroma...

In my hand, an indulging book that kept me enticed and lost within its magical world...
How do I say no to such a day?

Random...

To ten million fireflies, I'm weird coz I hate goodbyes...

I get a thousand hugs, from ten thousand lightning bugs...

~Adam Young~

Soon....

Shall we dance?
Maybe if we closed our eyes, we might just open them to a dream...
Don't set me free...

I have been absent from blogging for a while now (anyone missed me :P) haha...well, work is what has been keeping me away from my blog...i thought I knew what crazy was but I had no idea that crazy could be this way...I'm supposed to be feeling happy for my promotion, but, my heart has been weary and a little heavy ever since I got this new role...is it the universe' way of telling me that I don't belong here?...

On another note, I am moving soon. And by soon I mean like by the end of the year. And if you are keeping track of the calender, you would know that I do not have much time actually...sigh...it's like every second of my life is being squeezed, being put to use. Damn...I long for a long trip to get lost in (and maybe never return...)

So, as of now...I am currently breathing. It seems to be the only thing in my life that I have control over...and even so, I feel as if it will be taken away from me if I don't escape soon...

Time waits for no man...why should it wait for me?...

*sobs*

It's 1.40 a.m. And I am at home working...and in a few hours, I will be at work working as well...

What a life huh....*sigh*

PS : I am determined to be back blogging soon. Within the week! Got sooo many things tp update...but for now, it's back to work....*cry*

When love is all you see...

The only way I could see you is by dreaming of you...so every night as I go to bed, I pray that my dreams take me to where you are...I care so deeply that it hurts thinking that I might never get to say it you...you may not understand why I feel the way I do, that's okay, because I don't understand why I feel the way I do...the heart plays me like a fool...but it was I that made it so...

Sometimes I can't tell dreams from the truth...I have blurred the lines of reality with my reality of you...I close my eyes and I see you in front of me...but when I reach out, you dissolve back into thin air...I wonder if you could feel me whenever I think of you...if only love is all it takes, I would be by your side right now....

The Hill...

Walking up the hill tonight
And you have closed your eyes
I wish I didn't have to make
All those mistakes and be wise
Please try to be patient
And know that I'm still learning
I'm sorry that you have to see
The strength inside me burning

Where are you my angel now
Don't you see me crying?
And I know that you can't do it all
But you can't say I'm not trying
I'm on my knees in front of him
But he doesn't seem to see me
But all his troubles on his mind
He's looking right through me
And I'm letting myself down
Beside this fire in you
And I wish that you could see
That I have my troubles too

Looking at you sleeping
I'm with the man I love
I'm sitting here weeping
While the hours pass so slow
And I know that in the morning
I'll have to let you go
And you'll be just a man
Once I used to know
And for these past few days
Someone I don't recognize
This isn't all my fault
When will you realize

Looking at you leaving, I'm looking for a sign

♥
-Marketa Irglova-

My New Look for the Week...

Check it out guys...I found this really cool website where the allow you to create your own look/style....This is my look for the week...I call it Retro Rock! :D

Rock on Baby!!Woohoo!!

Check it out ---> http://www.looklet.com/

*Dunno what to call this post*

Been absent from blogging for a few days. Don't think anyone notices though haha. It's a crazy crazy time at work for me. Changed roles which is kinduh refreshing but...the 'best' part is that I still have to support my previous role as well (coz no one to help poor me :P)...So, I am stuck having to do the job of 2 people (die...die...die...*drama*)....

Feel like just hopin' on a train and gettin' lost somewhere...somewhere one go to get away from it all...sometimes, if I just close my eyes, I can get there...

Magical =)

When life gives you lemon....

Looking out seeing the world right in front of you-big, vast and immensely beautiful, can be a very intimidating sight. You feel as though you just want to reach out and embrace all that you see in one simple move. But there is always something holding you back. Something that is keeping you from getting what you want. Something that is hindering you from grasping your dreams...

Why do we constantly stand in our own way? What is the reason behind being afraid of actually getting what we want? Is it that we doubt our own wants? Thinking what would happen when we arrive at the foot of our dreams and find that it's not really what we wished for?...

Our fear of the unknown keeps us at bay. We are afraid of moving forward. Then our dreams, those hopes and wants that we had built ever since we can remember, would be left hanging to wither and wilt with the passing of time...in the end, it roots itself within our souls as a regret that cannot be undone...

PS:Feeling a little bit melodramatic at the moment. Facing some demons of my own and wishing that I have the answers in my hands...

Enough now...

Fly with Me...

It's you and me forever,
You and me right now,
That'd be alright...

18/11/2009...Just Another Day...

It's raining again outside (cheh..like it ever rains indoors before :p). Everytime I look outside the window, I wish that I could run out and just get wet in it...I used to do that when I was younger and when I was in college even...I'd probably still be doing the same if it were not for the fact that I work 24/7 and that I'm staying in an apartment on the 22nd floor where it would be such a hassle for me to actually run out the door, take the elevator down and then walkout pass the guardhouse into the rain...sheesh, too much work (I'm a lazy ass if you didn't already know haha :P)

It's so cold these pass month. The shower heater is not workin and thus I need to do this sort of cacat dance everytime I take a shower (mornings are the worst!...brrr...)

What is there to look forward to today? Hmm...well, let's see...it's a Wednesday, don't think there is anything nice on TV tonight. I have an episode of Castle to watch.That's one thing.Other than
that, hmm...I guess I can practice my guitar...need to be a rockin' kickass musician!!woohoo!!...

Well, I'll check in a little later (as if I have an audience who reads my blog...perasan :P)...in any case, will come online later tonight if it's just to have a glimpse of you :)

Untouched...

I feel so untouched
And I want you so much
That I just can't resist you
It's not enough to say that I miss you
I feel so untouched right now
Need you so much somehow
I can't forget you
Been going crazy from the moment I met you

Drama...drama...

A friend of mine defined his life to be 'so easy' and I was like, 'Seriously dude?'...and his answer, not to my surprise, was, 'Yeah!..'

Well, life is easy if you ignore the drama, the complications, the downs and all the bad things...but then, what's life if it has nothing in it except the good?...it is a very tempting prospect I must say, but, it's not what I would want though...life is just a little more interesting with drama in it. And it's with all the downs that we face that would make us appreciate all the ups...happiness would be something to look forward to and to treasure...

Maybe I feel this way coz I'm such a dramaqueen :P

or maybe, there is just some truth to it....

Hmm...I don't know...I guess we'll see where life takes me ;)

Those little things...

YaY!

You're back...which meant you didn't leave...

Though you might wonder how this relates to me...

I say, one day soon, I will let you know...

One day soon...I hope that you will be by my side listening...

=)

Booga Booga!!

It's Friday the 13th!

Virtual Word Weavers

I realised that there are a lot of really interesting blogs out there...you'd be surprised coz they aren't those hyped up, commercialized and raved about blogs...they are, how shall I put it, written by everyday guys and gals...nothin' superficial, nothin' glamorous...just plain and simple words...well, I might be a little bit biased because I have an affinity towards the written words (in this case it would be the typed words haha)...nonetheless, there are many interestingly talented people out there...and through their words you get a glimpse of their lives and you realise that no matter how old or young they are or where they are from, they seem to be going through somewhat the same sort of dilemma and emotions and roller coaster rides just the same as you are...it's strangely awesome...

Sometimes I wish I could meet the writers behind the blogs...to see if their words match their thoughts...it's a weird connotation on my part I must agree, but it's curiosity at its best...I sit and wonder, for that is what I can only do at this point in time...maybe hope that one day I might bump into one of these virtual word weavers. The world is a funny place and funnier things have happened...I wouldn't put it pass the world to actually surprise me one of these days...I'm feeling a little excited just thinking of it...

'There is no truer sense of reality then in the honesty of written words'

...Skye:11.41pm:12th November 2009...

♥

She fell in love and was left looking for love...

The road had not been trodden but there she was...

Standing in silence, looking ahead, hoping for an end...

But the long path that wound in front of her teary eyes...

Seemed desolate and infinate...

So there she was left standing with her heart...

♥

Why does it always rain on me...?

My heart's a little down, a little wet and close to being washed away...lately I'm beginning to have these sort of 'gloomy' days very often (ofcourse a friend of mine would say, 'Skye, you have always been the gloomy and doomy kind..haha.. :P')...but no matter...life goes on....just need to take a few extra deep breaths to get on with this day...

It rained last night. It wasn't heavy nor was it too subtle to be noticed. It was just the kind of rain that I liked (thank you Mr.Rain for makin' my day)...I wished I could have stopped time right there just so that I can enjoy the beauty...

*Cough...cough*

Still a little bit throaty today...But I'm at work anyways...A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do...Just hope I don't cause any nuisance with my coughin' and sneezin'...I'm starin' at my semi-cubicle-y workstation. Feel so shut out from reality. Is this where I see myself in my future? One cubicle after another? That's not the Skye that I know...

Be strong, be brave....the light will soon shine...it's just a matter of time...as for now, let's keep our dreams alive in our thoughts, in our mind...it's the next best thing...

I'm comin'...

Once

Once upon a time...I fell in love...even when I have not known you...

November 7th is today...

Woke up today with an itchy throat and a runny nose...I don't wanna fall sick!!...someone tell me what can I do to get better before it gets worse??

Anyhu, I had an SAP testing for their system upgrade this afternoon. It was suppossed to be in the morning but....as usual, it got dragged on for about 2 hours before I could proceed with my part (...sien...)...

Currently I am sitting infront of the television surfing through channels while playing Jam Legend as well as translating a 6 page article from Malay to English (haha I'm a multitasker :P) but I'm not complainin'...

1) I love watchin TV

2) JamLegend is addictive!

3) The translation's gonna get me some moolah yeah!

I hope I don't botch up this translation thingie haha. If I did then no more such tasks to help me earn some extra cash (and you know Skye needs her cash hehe)

Alrighty, gonna go back to the translation...ciao!!

There, I fixed it...

The many divots and holes we face in life...

How do we go about patching them up? Or do we leave it as it is? A sort of battle scar to remind you of the tragic times in life...

I wish people wouldn't do that-leaving their wounds gaping open.
Yes, it hurts.
Yes, it was irreversible.
But please, know that you need to heal. And leaving your scars unclosed and exposed will only make it worse...

Patch it up.
Close it off.
Not with grudge or vengence.
But with forgiveness and the sense of a lesson learned.
Color your cuts & wounds with hues of hope that tomorrow is a new day...

?

?

Question : Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Skye : I don't know...

Question : Where do you see yourself in 10 months?
Skye : I don't know...

Question : Where do you see yourself in 10 days?
Skye : I don't know....

So what do I know?....Well, for one, I know that there is still a lot of things in this universe that I don't know. I'm still learning learning as I'm living. Sometimes, I don't even have a clue on what's going on in my life. A lot of others might take me as someone who does not give a shit 'bout her life. To these people I say, 'You live your life and I shall live mine...'

Though, I do sometimes wonder how some people have this clear insight into their futures. They know exactly who they want to be, where they want to go and what they want to do...A little part of me is just a little envious but...I still like the way that I am. Like I had mentioned before, I love the thrill of an adventure =D

I guess if things go right they are meant to be...

So close..yet..

You're in my arms, And all the world is calm, The music playing on for only two, So close together, And when I'm with you, So close to feeling alive...

(¯`'•.¸♥So Close♥¸.·'´¯)

Happy Birthday Dear Sis =D

Happy Birthday to you my dearest sister!!!

Though there are times when it seems like I'm against you but that's just bcoz that is what big sisters do (they be a bit spazzy now and again) I hope you know that it also means that I care about what's goin' on in your life...know that I will always be here for you and support you no matter what :D

Love ya!! xoxo.

PS : Wishes do come true...

Sex and the City...

Just watched Sex and the City the Movie.Again :P (I know, I know...haha.) Can't believe how much I love this movie.Somehow it gives me hope.I can't wait for the sequel!! In the mean time, I'm gonna watch the reruns (both the series and the movie hehe) showing on HBO.Just a little fix to perk up my days.Yay!

One more thing....

It's HALLOWEEN tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hehe.Just thought I'd give a shoutout on it =)

PS : Boo! Scared or not? :P

Erm...just some thoughts...

There was a time when I kept falling off the treacherous cliffs...and it would take me days to hit the seemingly bottomless ground. And in the course of falling, I slept and I dreamt of things past, present and future. Never had I felt such bliss in the midst of such travesty...

*Warning* Don't come too close...

Lost...

Can't decide if i should go left or right? or maybe i should belooking at if i should be going up or down...hmmm...feeling lost,confused, dazed and utterly helpless...it's times like this i wish i could escape into one of my books..atleast in there, i would know the outcome...but the thing is, i love not knowing sometimes (skye,skye...can't be decisive at all haish...)...it'strue though...I really like the mystery that the future holds...where's the adventure when you already know where the treasure is at? or who is the killer? or if the boy gets the girl or if the girl gets the boy (or if the boy gets the boy or girl gets the girl...whichever applies ;D )...

i do confuse my ownself quite a lot...then I will wallow in my own self pity.haha.soo the drama right? :P dont care...bluek!...

Shhh...

I wont tell your secrets,

Your secrets are safe with me...

♥

To be free...

I am inside, looking out...
A prisoner of my thoughts,
There out there, where light roams free,
Lies the treacherous insanity of my dreams...

But I, still a wretched, beaten doll,
Controlled only by the echos of my past,
Bound and strung with shadows of yore,
Trying to reach out towards the white shore...

In the end of all time,
What keeps me inside of my own dread,
Is the solace lonely thoughts of never having,
Never feeling, never knowing, never loving...

I wish to be free...

Nine Million Bicycles

There are nine million bicycles in Beijing. That's a fact, it's a thing we can't deny, like the fact that I will love you till I die...

Not as Different...

Here in this small room, we see the true nature of our leaders...not that different as anyone of us..maybe a little seasoned and a little used...but the same nonetheless...humans with as much nerves as the rest of us little lambs sitting in the sidelines...what makes them different and above the rest of us? simple but profound - their hearts. Their hearts that accepts the challenges laid in front of them...even in the face of adversity and even with doubt, they march on...seemingly fearless but utterly lost at the same time...the human mind never fails to impress me...

This is me ;)

I always find it funny when people stare and gimme that 'oh-my-god-how-old-are-you' kinduh look whenever I do something silly(and trust me I do that quite often =D ) haha..

it's second nature to me...I don't find it weird at all...just the other day I was walking through my apartment to get to the shops...and just like sometimes, I would kinduh skip a little and be singin' a song that's stuck in my head for the day (i thinkit was Owl City's 'On the Wing') and lo and behold I saw a couple of teens givin' me the 'look' :P

well, me didn't give a crap la ofcourse...haha...kept on goin the way i was coz it was fun...maybe people find it hard to enjoy the company of their ownselves...it's a little sad though but it's understandable...most of us don't wanna look silly or stupid in the pressence of others...but these 'others' are strangers that you are never gonna meet.and even if we do meet them in some near or distant future, what's the problem then?

I'd rather have the pleasure of enjoying every single moment of this fleeting life that we hold... even if it's when I'm prancing around like a monkey (believe me, I think I have literally doneexactly that b4 :P) or if it's just something as mundane as having lunch alone in a corner shop where others just pass you by...

this is me :)

I wish I could fly...

Why does it have to be one or the other? Can't I have wings and roots at the same time? Why must there always be a choice to be made? I wish that I could jump up and fly. But I know once I do that I might not come home again....but I really, really do want to fly...even if it's away from here and even if I just might lose my past...

Do I?

Tis' was the Festival of Lights...

so i went down to Muar for the Deepavali celebrations...the whole jim-bang was there...usual congregation spot...my aunt's place..this is the only constant place that i have in my life...my family moved around a lot...my heart nvr had a chance to settle down anywhere (hmm, maybe that's wny i'm finding it hard to let my heart go)...

like i was saying, the whole jim-bang was there..uncles,aunts,cousins...different yet familiar...the same scene again...years pass but this never changes..i don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing...hmmm =/

my memories are made up of what i remember smelling...haha...incense...yes, that was the first...the incense burning from the altar..i liked it a lot...then came the food...yumms!...i can pretty much sum up my entire deepavali as beeing a food frenzy..lol v^^

ooo yes, how can i forget!!...the HEAT!!!...sooo effin HOT & HUMID!!!taking a shower was of no use.the moment i stepped out of the shower 'WHOOOSH' a wall of humidity just hits me square in the face!!..sweat was my constant companion (no kiddin')

the first night.5.00am (dont ask me how i kno this)...it began to pour down...cats and dogs cant even begin to describe the verocity of the rain!..it was welcomed.atleast for an hour or so, it wasnt that hot & humid...but something kinduh freaky happened, when i realised it was pouring outside, i was relieved at first, but i suddenly had this weird thot (don't ask me why) - what if the rain flooded into the room??..and just on cue, the ceiling above me started to drip *drip*drop*, slow at first then it was like it was drizzling inside :P me and my big mind haha..

i wished we had some sort of resemblence of the above for our fireworks session...sigh...due to legal reasons (and us being such law abiding citizents haha :P) we only stuck to what we call 'Pop-pops'...fun!(note the sarcastic undertone? :P)

i think i've told already about the food...oh god!!..where do i begin?..we had all sorts of stuff-chicken, turkey, mutton, fish,shrimp...all day and all night long, a fenzy of eating!...i'm scared to find out how much i must have had gained over the holidays *yikes!*...must start ber-dieting edi :P

oh yeah.random.i rediscovered my love for oranges on the last night in Muar.haha. =D

well...all in all...hmm...how do i sum up my deepavali? it was like the deepavalis before i guess...nothin more nothin less...fun was had, food was eaten, families met...Happy Deepavali!! =D

PS : Mee siput is the best snack to be had in Muar!!!!!

Hearts...

I missed you already...even when I do not know you still...I sat down by my window sill...and I cut out little hearts out from the prettiest pieces of paper...I lay them randomly across a blank sheet of paper...just the way I feel your love spread within me...you color my life with your heart...I do not want it any other way...

Can I?...Will you?...

Can I fall in love without even meeting you?

Can I get lost in your thoughts?

Can I feel happiness and bliss without pressence?

Can I smile without a cause?

Can I feel warmth without touch?

Can I cry without pain?

Can I know you through my dreams?

Will you know me when we meet?

Will our eyes dance in secret harmony?

Will your heart beat against mine?

Will you hold me and swear to be mine?...

Sigh...

I'm in deep contemplation today...though I always am ruminating about one thing or another...my mind is a shamble in which even i get lost in sometimes...

actually, i'm feeling a little low today...not the best feeling ever...feels like there is nothing much that anyone can say or do to change how I feel-low and down in the dumps...maybe it's just me being very emotional and dramatic (i have the tendency of going aboard with theatrics)...somehow feeling that whatever bad things that are happening were meant to be (some sort of karma) and that I deserve every single one of it...*sigh*...

but then my mind did a 180 degrees (or was it 360 degrees?hmm...)flip...i started asking myself...why do I need to care of what others think of me? or what the rest of the world perceived of me and my weird antics? i am who i am...

just because one person thinks you're not worth it, it doesn't mean that that defines the person that you are...

you're always a somebody...there's definately someone out there who would think the world of you even when you think you don't deserve it at all...

i hope that i will meet that somebody somewhere in my future...in my journeys to self discovery, i hope that someone discovers me and that wait would be worth the while :)

Can't Hardly Wait...

There she is...my guitar...looking good :)

I had my first lesson the other day...I knew my fingers would hurt, but didn't think it would hurt this much...been in such a gung-ho mood practicing on my guitar day in and out...look out world! here comes the next Taylor Swift hehe!! :P

been checking my fingers constantly looking out for callous' (yeah, i know, I'm weird) ...it would be an indication of how good I'm getting (yes, it's all in my head :P)

but there you go...I made a promise to myself to take up guitar and look at what I'm doin' v^^

can't hardly wait for the day when I will be strummin' along to a song that I wrote myself and singin' my heart out (maybe performing at the VMA's? ) *roll eyes*

well, whenever that may be...I will be heading there...so for the moment, I'm just gonna work hard and do my best...it's hard work, but it's gonna be sooo worth it!

PS : And you know, I can't breath without you but I have to...

A dream...

There was a time,

When I dreamed of green fields,

And I lay in the midst of it all,

Smiling as the day went by...

We held hands for the longest time,

It felt perfect as if it were meant to be,

Our eyes followed the passing clouds,

Till they met each other...

Bahh...humbug!!...

My eyes are tired...it feels as though I haven't slept in days. The truth maybe closer than I care to believe. But look at where I am and what I'm doing...up late on a weeknight. I have a choice you know...'Go to sleep Skye...' but I don't listen...I never do :P

I can't wait for the weekend...you might think its coz of some party that might be brewing up then...but its not...I can't wait to be able to sleep in...I just wanna sleep *snore*...looking like a zombified robot ain't something girls strive to be you know (i'm afraid it's gonna be permanently etched onto my face...aaahhhh!!!)...it sucks! *grrrrrr*

I hardly get to see the sun nowadays..I miss his warm kisses on my cheek and the way he turns grey raindrops into beautiful rainbows...I miss how colors light up the darkest of days and how a simple ray of light can actually put a smile on a dulled down face...if I just close my eyes, even through the empty night I can see the dawning day...it shows that I still have hope doesn't it?...a hopeful optimist whose just a little scared of the coming day...I'm a total loony...lack of sleep is causing me to crap jumbled, incomprehensible thoughts out loud...no sense of direction nor purpose...just the way Skye likes it....

oh well...I guess I better get some zzzzz's....waiting has caused the future to be present...maybe a little dream will help sort things out....dream a little dream of you...

PS : The title has got no connection what so ever with the content of this post...just goes to show how big of a crazy person I am...nitezzz...

Today...

i feel like contemplating life right now...in the midst of the storm that's brewing in my head, would it be a wise choice if i were to, let's say, smash the windshield of some poor unsuspecting soul's car? *Chill...Skye*...my head is numb from thinking..too much rumination is really bad for the health...seriously...but sometimes is it right to be complacent with where i am? It seems much easier that way...aah well...I shall leave this dilemma for another day...today it's been good so far...wonderfull actually...for reasons even you don't know...but I shall live today with hope that tomorrow will be as good or even better :D

ciao bella!!

Humans & Emotions...

You ask yourself, 'Why did I put myself through that?', 'Am I that stupid?'...but you should know, somethings happen out of our own way. We don't have control in everything, especially with our hearts and feelings. Should you still blame yourself or the situation or the other person? It doesn't matter who is at fault or what had happened, what matters is how you live with the time that you have after...because the truth is that thing that you keep thinking about and keep reliving in your head had passed. Gone. It exists only in your memories. And I understand that memories are hard to shake off. Especially if the bad and the good comes hand in hand. Do you really want to wish for it to never have happened? Would it make your life better?Probably. But I say, 'Live and let Live'. Don't stop. Let's put the past in its place. The past. We have only a precious amount of time left for us in this universe. We don't want to waste it on drowning in regrets.We soldier on.We try our hardest and best to move forward. Away from the pain and hurt from whence it came. We take the good and cherish them.The bad we take with a pinch of salt and honor them as hard-learned lessons that we make sure we try not to repeat. These are the stuff that makes us who we are today. But remember, even if you find ourselves stumbling intoa similar story in the future, don't fret.Don't beat yourself up. We are but humans. We are not perfect. Which is what makes us beautiful. If we fall again, we dust ourselves and get up. We never give up on life, and that would be the single most amazing thing each of us could strive to achive and keep up :)

Beautiful mess...

I dreamt of you again last night...it was simple...you...me...and the world...you held my hand and I smiled...you smiled and I blushed...if you weren't holding on to me, I would have floated away...the sun was just setting and the glow of the dying day sparkled your eyes...we didn't talk much...just walked, hand in hand...what a beautiful mess this is...

The Princess of Darkness...

I shun the light,
Of which that bathes all soul,
I carry within me,
A darkness that's beyond comprehension,
Even for the likes of me...

I ride in the deepest nights,
Seeking for the unwilling solitude,
That burdens the hearts of many,
Like a black candle,
Burning to give out despair...

Emersed in the sighs of the twilight,
I rejoice in evanessence,
As slowly the dark velvet skies,
Crumbled,showering shards of emptiness,
On to the lands of the people...

Plights and cries pass me by,
I hear and feel no pain no remorse,
Even in the distance of the deadening night,
When heavanly hands reaches to give absolution,
I...shun the light...

I am NOT a workaholic...

Is it a universal presumption that if a person spends quite a lot of time in the office that this person is a 'workaholic'??

I am not a workaholic!...please bear that in mind before judging me...yes i admit that i do spend most of the hours in a day at work, but seriously people, does that automatically make me a workaholic??

Bottom line...I am not...I have my reasons for spending time in the office...but a workaholic ain't one of 'em...

PS : Despite the tone the above entry potrays, I am actually a lover of peace :P

Home for the weekend...

Over the weekend I went back home to JB to my parents place.I don't usually look forward to it.I don't know what that says about me though.Anyways,I always feel different when I arrive.I see my mum and dad.They were waiting up for us(my brother tagged along)even though it was pass 1 am when we arrived.The drive was a little draggy.But the songs played on the radio was good company.I singed along.I love driving in the night...

The next morning I was up around 10am.Had my breakfast-hokkien wantan mee.Never knew I would miss the taste though.I used to be so sick of wantan mee.It shows what powers time possess.Anyways,a little while after breakfast my dad asked me to help him out in his little garden out front.Ever since his bypass operation he had been finding little ways of busying himself and found that he really liked gardening.Well it was mostly veggies that he had cultivated in a small patch of soil in our front yard.It was impressive.But then again,my dad was always one that never seem to say never.

It was raining,drizzling as we were picking out these little weed looking greens he had planted.They were called 'Ponani' in tamil.I nearly burst out laughing when he told me what they were called.I had just only watched a comedy hour skit by Russel Peters the day before and there was a part where he was telling some story on what the Jamaicans called a woman's 'ehem ehem'(you know what I mean :P).Well they called them 'Punani'.So you can see why I had to control myself.I can only imagine me trying to explain my laughing to my dad...

The weekend went by pretty quickly.It was raining most of the time in JB.Which was good considering how hot and humid it still felt.I got wet in the rain a few times.Not intentionally though I would have loved to have done that.My dad was out golfing half the days and whenever he was home he never stopped talking-on my future,
my sister's future,my brother's future and the future in general Whoa...I never knew that my dad could talk so much.It was an earful but I always understood that he meant well.Still doesn't change the fact that at times it was really annoying hehe :P In his eyes I would always be a little girl in need of looking out...

When it was time to leave,my heart felt heavy as it always does.My doggie Ponnie had that 'you're-leaving-me-again' expression on her cute face.I hugged her good and hard one last time as I packed my stuff in my car.Then I hugged my mum and dad oodbye.I can't really look them in the eye.Tears would roll.

It's funny how your emotions plays you.You think you know yourself pretty well, when the next instance can prove you otherwise.I know I still have loads to learn about myself.It's a journey.Just like the one I'm taking back to KL...

Fireflies...Owl City

This song reminds me of me during nights where I can't fall asleep so I stayed up looking out the window and dreaming of everything :D

Just another Thursday...

Okay so it's not the best of days today. The weather outside is
a little dreary.Or maybe that's just how it looks through my eyes..
I wish I could have stayed at home today. Stay under my covers.
Don't wanna care about the world...
But wishes doesn't always come true...

Work is draggy. I'm yawning half the time. It's just after the
close and the mood in the office is just the same as how i feel
the weather is outside.*sigh*.One thing to look forward to though,
G.I. Joe later on. I got mixed feelings about it. Reviews say that
it's just an okay movie. People I know who have watched the movie
says it really good.I'm no too enthused.At least it's some thing
else (other than work) to look forward to...

I'm thinking of getting guitar lessons.It's something that I had
planned to do for a very long time. Just never got around to
doing it.There were always excuses-no time,no money,no tutor,no
guitar,blah,blah,blah...but this time, I said to myself, if I
want something, I should just go and do it.No questions,no
doubts...I'll let you know how it goes...I'm hoping by the start
of the following week I would be strummin'.*fingers crossed*

Mama Do...

Choices...

I made a choice,
Was it the right one I wonder?
But it's too late now to ponder,
Time moved on, it never lingers...

I hope I would not regret,
Though deep in me feels a sort of pain,
Will I ever learn from my mistakes?
Maybe I'd live with the heartaches...

One day it might come back to haunt me,
I'm, sure I can't run away,
I won't lay a finger of blame,
I will lay in its burning flame...

It was good...

I recently found that a blog which I had always enjoyed reading and looking forward to every morning has been moved...she mentioned she needed more privacy with her personal life and I respect that...but I will not lie that I am sad that I do not have her writings to read anymore...it was good...real good...her writings and her life inspired me....I always looked up to her-back in high school, as well as now, even if it's just through her words...

'I will miss your written words, your anecdotes, your poems and scribbles on life...the way you make complications into simplicity and the way that sometimes it feels like you are reaching in and reading my thoughts...it was a pleasure always...it was good :) I hope our paths will meet one day again and that I would have the privilage of thanking you for the inspiration and joy you had brought me with your words...I wish I could continue with your journey but life doesn't wind in the ways that you pave all the time...It's like what you said,

"Change-We can't keep it from happening, but we can trust change never means to harm us. It's a sign that we are growing up..."

'C'est La Vie'

*Yawn*

It's just pass 12 midnight...and I am wrecking my brains trying to find some reason to go to bed...I guess I was hoping that you would be online...I'm sleepy and tired and yet I'm still up writing my blog (and doing a sad job at that :P)...why is it so hard to follow what your heart wants? And why is it just as hard to let go of your hearts desires?...*yawn*...I guess I shall my answers in my dreams...they have never let me down thus far...I'm hoping that I can dream of flying tonight...hmmm...it's been ages since I had a dream about flying...it would do me good I reckon...so, 'Pretty dream angels above, please please please cut me some slack, and let me dream of flights through the air, with maybe a hint of sunshine and rainbow at the end of my journey...' maybe you will be there too...

Only For You...

Tell me your wish and I'll wish it for you,

Even when time stops I'll wish it for you,

And when it seems as though wishes would not come true,

I'll be by your side to make it true, only for you...

...of incredibly cute enamels ;)

I wuv Ickle & Lardee!....they're my fav milk teef at the moment...hopefully I hear a knock on my door soon...my place is open to any milk teef out there in need of a warm and cosy home...thanks Ickle & Lardee for makin' my day :D

?

Are hearts meant to be broken?
Does the pain mean to break you down?
Or is it just a way to make you stronger?
Or is it just simply called life?

When do we stop ourselves from hurting?
Will we ever know that we are drowning?
Can lifes' lessons transform you into a better being?
Or are we too blind to realise what we are seeing?

Maybe we are too naive with what's going on?
Maybe we just want our hearts desire to hold strong?
Could it be we are just little kids inside?
Just wanna be loved enjoying the thrill of the ride?

In the end would we ever learn?
That sometimes we wont get what we thought we earn?
That life's just another journey that ain't fair?
And maybe we should all just not give a care...

Over Thinkin'

How does one let go? If it's something that has rooted it self in your heart and has grown with you through time. Can I just uproot it and toss it aside?

The pain inside sometimes compels me to do just that, but every time I do feel that way, something happens and I wait..again...

And the wait doesn't help either, it makes it worse even...it's not the duration of the wait, it's the unknown. I wait but what is it I'm waiting for?

The human heart confuses me...I wonder if we could all do without the turmoil of emotions...then you would ask, 'So, being a zombie would solve everything then?'

I don't know...half of the time I don't know what I want...maybe that's my problem...it's either I don't know what it is that I want or I want something that is near impossible...

Maybe I think too much...thinking too much is bad for you...you tend to get lost in your thoughts and then there will come a point where you can differentiate between what's made up and what's reality...you go crazy :P

Probably it's because I'm already a mental case...that would make sense of all the things that are going on in my head and all the feelings that I'm experiencing that is making my life quite...erm...how do I say this?...dysfunctional?? :P

You can see what's happening can't you?...I'm doing it again...thinking...way too much...I wish my brain has a switch which I can turn on and off, the thinkin' parts especially...ha...look at me...doin' it again...it's time for me to stop...well at least, for now... :P

Letter To A Friend...

Dear Friend,

Hope my silly words did not hurt your heart. I have these tendencies to hurt the ones that I care about. Unintentionally ofcourse, but some might say subconsciously, I'm doing it on purpose. Maybe I'm too afraid of being close to anyone. The moment I do, I push them away. Self-preservation? A coward, trying to avoid any hurt or pain...

My heart is too fragile...If it ever gets broken again, I'm afraid I won't be able to find back the pieces to put it back together. I'm afraid that I won't be whole...a broken down soul...empty in its loneliness...

But this does not justify my words to you...I wish I could take them back...but time does not turn...So I hope that you understand that I could not have wanted this upon you. Nothing brings me more joy than to see you smile and...nothing saddens me quite as much as being the reason for the tears down the side of your face...

Love,

Silly ol' Me...

PS : I'm still trying to figure out who I am...

You...

You're a vision of Eden...
If there were an Eden, then you would be Eve...
Words cannot begin to describe you,
And I do not want to limit you to mere words...
You leave me speechless...

Your gaze that falls on me,
No matter how small and how short time permits,
It feels like an eternity has come and gone,
But an eternity is too short of a time for one as forlorn as I,
Till the ends of time and existence I sigh to be with you...

But I writhe in pain,
For reality is a cruel friend to me,
To not be with the one you love...
Is a burden to great to bear by my already fragile heart,
Why is the universe conspiring against me?...

If i was given a choice,
To turn back time and re-gain my heart from you,
To undo the mess that is growing wild in my soul,
To be free of the bonds that is love,
Will i find it in me to forget you ever existed?...

Even if the Gods came down from the heavens,
To force you out of my conscienceness and rid you forever,
I will stand my ground and hold you dear,
Nothing in this time will erase you from my mind,
If I had to do it again, I will, again and again, till my dying days...

But for now I live in a hazy craze...
I wait for you in my rainy dreams...
With each breath that falls gently on this mortal realm,
I savor every inch of time that we are together apart,
Praying that maybe one day, our hearts might be one...

Decode me...somebody...

Lyrics

In the office on a Saturday...

I saw it coming beyond the distant horizon, from outside the window...looming in it's menacing darkness..not even a hint of remorse...and with it, it carried the torrential downpour coupled with bolts of lightning and the ever loud thunder...nature in it's inevitable splendour...if i were at home, this would have been a wonderful Saturday...but I'm sitting, crouched in the office, scrounging for light...it's so dark in here that I keep getting lost in my thoughts...but i snap myself back to reality again and again reminding myself the reason I'm here in the first place...

But I got distracted by the lightning strikes...I have never seen anything so dangerous and beautiful at the same time..I quickly took out my camera phone, hoping that I can capture it's beauty in a single frame...try as I may, but my camera phone is no match for one of nature's mystical majesty...the rain began to pour relentlessly...fogging up the window pane...now the view outside is just a blur of water and sound...it still brings a smile though...

‘The point when we exhale…’

The title theme to my blog. And my grail quest. Finding that point at which I can find complete and utter relief…well, it feels like a monumental task at hand. Though it’s funny that a person would go through thick and thin and ups and downs to seek solace and bliss. To travel the world in search of something that lives within the hearts and mind of each of us…I can never get over how funny humans can be sometimes :) and I'm lovin' it!...

Do you hear me?...

There I see you standing,
Ever so clearly as if you were light,
But then again, you are…
Every second is filled with the thoughts of you…
Why is it so I cannot really fathom…
Is this what it feels like to have your heart stolen…?
I spend my nights in dreams,
In which I can feel your heart in sync with mine,
And it is here that we danced under the moonlit sky,
The stars twinkling, a witness to our union…
I wait for you,
A stolen glance is all that I need,
For it’s all that I can ever seem to have…
I wish sometimes that I had not walked into this dream…
You...the only one who can make me feel all,
I fall apart and with you I can fly again…
You make me this way…
And I fall head over heals again and again,
With each sight and touch of your breath,
Because I am weak that way,
Weak drowning with the thoughts of you…
My every breath speaks of you,
In words that only the universe can understand,
Though I want with every inch of me for you to hear it…
Do you hear me?...

Chasing Pavements...

Lyrics

I was walking through OneWorld Hotel the other day and I noticed their tiny floral arrangement that adorns their little tables in the lobby. Everyday(well every other day that is), was a new arrangement of sorts and the day's was exquisite...it was a rose-red, in full bloom...it was just it's head, simply placed in a small glass bowl(a little larger than cognac glass) filled adequately with pebbles and water...beautiful in its simplicity...

I told a friend of mine later on about the flower and said that I felt like stealing it for myself :P She then asked me if it was worth it to commit a crime for just a flower...to my own surprise, I thought to myself...'For something beautiful that lights my heart, I think I would...'

It's always hardest to please the ones you love...somehow it feels like you're just one big huge dissappointment...but then again, maybe I am...who's to say that the things we do, the things we think to be thoughtful, are the right things...

Sometimes I wish I had a list of the right words to say....everytime I try, it seems to push you away further...and the hurt that comes with it...well, I have lived with hurt my whole life...I guess I can never run away from them...

...of dreams...

there was lady who had a dream,
n in this dream she had a feeling,
of wonderous, thunderous n lightning beams,
dat left her opened armed n kneeling…
da waves of blue dat crashed her feet,
made her jump n sighed for da deep,
n da little creatures dat she waited 2 meet,
she jus wanna hold close n keep…
n when da burning amber starts 2 fade,
she lies beside da heathen day,
n dwell she did in memories made,
waking up 2 da sweet singing blue jay…

the Bard...eternal...

Full many a glorious morning have i seen
Flatter the mountain tops with sovereign eye,
Kissing with golden face the meadows green,
Gilding pale streams with heavenly alchemy;
Anon permit the basest clouds to ride
With ugly rack on his celestial face,
And from the forlorn world his visage hide,
Stealing unseen to the west with this disgracce:
Even so my sun one early morn did shine
With all triumphant splendor on my brow;
But out, alack! he was but one hour mine;
The region cloud hath mask’d him from me now.
Yet him for this my love no whit disdaineth;
Suns of the world may stain when heaven’s sun staineth.

-William Shakespeare-
Sonnet 33

the devil'd night...

there was the devil’d night that swooped by,
in waves that stretches the arms of time,
a single rose lay gently down,
on dews and hues of the eternal glow,
the sly wind passed howling by,
stars stopped to listen the lullaby,
came and sat was dogged gone willow,
strangely it seems like a wondrous pillow,
to the south i see the naked lines,
of the looming horizon beyond the pines,
so the devil’d night which plateaued high,
now it bows to the heavens with a humble sigh…

memories...

i waved a solemn goobye,
to the memories i made as a child,
in secret places where secrets lie,
i placed my heart n walked on by,
da light caressed my reddened cheek,
as the wind took me in da deep,
amber leaves fell in place of footsteps…
tiny things came out of shadows,
put a smile on a lonely widow,
howlings of the nite gave little shudders,
as i hurried to catch my dreams yonder…
i felt a sudden rush of excitement,
i know now dat iv been touched,
by the pale lonesome moonlight…
as i looked above to share my plight,
the nite darkened in a haunting sigh,
made me realise wat i kno is right…

...

I grew up dreaming big. It’s all that I have ever known. My best friends are my dreams. They keep me company through nights where I feel like I’m the only person alive. They share my joy and feel my pain…Do you ever feel the same?...or it just me and me alone…

Thoughts...

We stumble upon a new year again…once it was an exciting endeavor, to embrace the coming of a new future, to celebrate once more the things that were left behind in times gone by. But the year came and I am standing looking on but I’m feeling the same as I was yesterday…Maybe some parts of me are broken…Maybe….

What is it that is different now? I can’t find a point to place my finger on and the itch is growing by the day…there was a time many moons ago when I felt joy…I still do, but the feeling is fleeting away slowly just like the sand castles I built when I was a child…I’m afraid that there will come a day when I would not be able to recognize the meaning of a smile…

Lord only knows that another day is not really guaranteed…here I am weeping on the year ahead of me…nothing assured, nothing realized...wish I had wings that could take me away from reality…in dreams, now that is somewhere where I can bear a sincere smile…where the rain falls not on you but with you…

Everyday we pray to fight for our dreams, but everyday the line blurs at the point where our prayers stop and the fighting begins…and at the change of days, we lose precious time and precious moments…how ignorant we are at looking pass everything…

When we are given a life to live then we should live it...not just by breathing in and out, but by crossing every bridge possible…even those that are at the brink of collapse…the risks we take on define who we are and separates us from the drones that trudge through the sands of time…
Fight to be different and we will be…but our actions are restricted because we are afraid…I for one am afraid of the outcome…strange as it may sound but strange has always been a close friend of mine…

So this is what I think of the new year, and the time that is given to us…to make amends, to wallow in a friend’s sorrow, to wave to the sky, to gaze upon the moon, to laugh like a child, to cry like a child, to live vicariously at the edge of insanity, to never be afraid of going crazy, sometimes…, to let go of grudges, to be a little sinful, a little naughty, to make an effort to talk to the trees and the wind, to offer your hand to those who needs it, to be there even when you are not wanted, to dance in the rain, to give praise and to accept, to smile to yourself without feeling silly, to do at least one thing you wouldn’t thought of doing in a million years, to just sit and watch the clouds roll, to lend your shoulders for tears without question, to count the stars and to keep counting even when it seems futile, to hope beyond hope, to leave a little note to make someone’s day, to jump and scream like nobody’s business, to be happy with what you see in the mirror, to contemplate the universe, to believe in romance and happy endings, to believe in love songs and fairytales, to believe in yourself, to feel pain, to make promises, to tell the world how wonderful it is, to free your soul, to jump of a cliff diving into a deep ocean and still come up grinning, to look for those who are lost, to be lost with those who always find they’re way back, to crash and burn, to run till you feel the coming of the world’s end, to live in dreams and not be afraid of darkness, to let yourself fall in order for someone to catch you, to catch the falling rain in your bare hands, to walk a mile for a hello, to forgive with all your sincerity, to open our hearts to those who need it…but most of all, to find love…even if you find it in the most unexpected way or even…in the most unexpected person…don’t run away…don’t turn your back on those that strive to make you happy…those who sacrifice their every second to just catch a glimpse upon your smile…it doesn’t hurt to try…it doesn’t hurt to love, well, in some ways I guess…reach out to that someone who is reaching out to you, don’t push them away…you might just be surprised of what you’ll get in return…never let the fear of what others might think beat you from finding bliss...If it makes you happy, then what’s stopping you eh?...

I leave you, with words, words that I keep deep in my heart…maybe one day, I can find the words to weave into your heart…

There is always a story told,
Beyond times that furnished the world,
Beyond the pastures of green,
Where there lies without doubt a genteel dream…

I ache to reach for the stars,
They seem so close to my fingers,
Even when winds of change,
Push me back trapped in a cage…

I listen in silence to the beating of my heart,
To hear the song it sings for you,
And to feel inside what I believe,
Drowning me in swirling hues of yore…

Maybe if I walked long enough,
Through the cold beautiful forest,
Touching every leaf in between,
I might just find the fading light…

There in the midst of the waning night,
Where the howl of a lonely whisper,
Creeps unwittingly into the minds undeep,
No sound save that of my own breath…

I close my eyes to see the reverie,
In deep thoughts at the strike of the witching hour,
Bathed in the silver liquid of the majestic Luna,
Will you take my hand?...

Blessed be...Happy New Year...