A Little R&R

"...in times when we not know, is the time when we learn..."

It's really funny how we take for granted the most basic of stuff. I've recently gone for a minor surgery and it has left me somewhat challenged - movement wise. I wouldn't say I'm paralysed. Nope. That would be an 

exeggeration :p But it's suffice to say that I am disabled comparatively. 

I always thought that staying at home, in bed would be heaven. How wrong was I. Just 2 days into this and I am developing a severe case of cabin fever. I mean seriously. Sitting down in one position for hours on

is not fun. Yeah I have a 52 inch televsion in front of me but I soon realize that satellite/cable tv are predictable what with them running re-runs 90% of the time! If I'm not sitting in an awkward position, then I

would be lying on my bed - either just resting or sleeping. Yes, yes. most of you would be thinking - "OMG how awesome is that!!" But no, not for me. Lying down staring at the ceiling is boring. Sleeping too much is boring and I get this annoying pounding headache everytime I wake up from sleeping during odd hours of the day (stupid medications!).

So yeah. I miss being able to just jump out of bed and moving about to go do whatever the hell I want. And I actually miss going to work. Yes, I am not making that up. I know that I need to go through this in order to get better. Doctor's orders - plenty of bed rest! But I just can't help but feel annoyed about it all.

I am praying that I recover really quickly. It's me being a little bit naive and hopeful (official time-to-heal = atleast 1 month!). But there's no harm in a little hope. For now, I am trying my best to enjoy the time given to me to rest and recover. Try Skye!

xoxo

Obscura

"...sometimes I hide under covers, in the darkness of night, just to wait for the light..."

Imagine taking a picture with a camera obscura. Imagine holding a pose for more than 20 minutes. Imagine that. What do you think? Especially in the world that we live in now where time is everything and that snapping a picture in seconds is practically second nature.

            But I do wonder. About the camera obscura. That simple pinhole camera that have existed for a very long time. I wonder what it would be like to be standing in front of one – posing. But what goes through my mind is not how tiresome it would be. Instead, I am slightly dazed. Dazed in a good way – somewhere in the lines of amazed, yes. But why? Because you see, this ancient invention whose name literally just means ‘darkened room’ forced something that has long since to have been forgotten by men - men in pursuit of progress. The camera obscura forced you to live a moment in time. Long enough to get lost in it. Long enough for it to mean something and by which becomes meaningless as the next moment crashes into you to take its rightful place in your life. That’s what I think of about the camera obscura.

       And when I do think of it, though not as often as you might think I do, I look to my modern camera - this innovative device born from the brilliant obscura, whose name had also been passed down by it. How many times have I picked it up and clicked away blindly?

        So many sentiments we have lost through time. So many treasures, simple yet obscurely profound, like the camera obscura, the pinhole wonder box, the darkened room that lighted many hearts and minds.

xoxo

2014

"...once I wanted to be the greatest. No wind nor waterfall can stall me. And then came the rush of the flood, stars of night turned deep to dust..."

~Cat Power~

It's January. It's a new year. And the past year, I've felt like I've been hovering in some sort of limbo. I was neither here nor there. Not entirely lost, yet not found neither. I've had to search for my smile regularly. I've discovered parts of myself that I had never known to exist. And there were parts that I hid from the world.

It's January. It's a new year. I wish it would be a weird one. A weird wish I know. But time moves in a linear, forward progression and I am no God to stop it. Like a stranger on a train, I travel ahead, a reluctant slave to this momentum. Where am I heading? I cannot tell. But forward I go. I can only hope that on my way, I find the things that can fill my soul with much love and light.

It's January. It's a new year...

xoxo

Self Preservation...

...I wanna close my eyes and never open them again...

I should not have left the island. I knew better. I remember telling myself not to. But I didn't listen. I thought it would be different. I believed and now I'm left to fend for myself again. I should have known that there is no

other place that welcomes me. The island is where I had been. It is where I should remain. Why did I believe?

Et je pense à ces instants fragiles,

ces quelques jours tout près de toi,

et je reviens seule sur cette île

puisque la vie passe et puis s'en va...

Et je pense à ces instants fragiles,

ces quelques jours tout près de toi,

et je reviens seule sur cette île

puisque la vie passe... sans toi...

-Circus-

x

I Need an Ambulance...

breathing get's a little harder now...

xoxo

Its too late now...

Today I punched a wall. It hurt. But I would like to do it again. This usually means one has gone crazy. I punched a wall and I liked it.

xoxo

You'll Be Ok

"Mistakes. They happen. In variable degrees. How do you define a person against their mistakes?"

I will never judge what you did. Who am I but just a human like you? And I told you that it is ok. And I told you that my love for you will never waver. You will be ok.

But you're on an island. Surrounded by miles and miles of deep open seas. Not a boat in sight. Sometimes not even the light. You've put yourself there. You've decided to be alone. 

I understand. 

But I will not give up.

Not on you. Not ever. Because even if this is a battle that you must face on your own. Even when the rain of arrows sing down for you solely, I will never leave your side. Even if all I can do is to pick you up when you fall so that you can soldier on again. I am the rain in your desert. That light in your dark. I am your friend.

So pull yourself right out of this. I know you can.

"You can't go back to yesterday, because you were a different person then"

-Lewis Carroll-

PS: All you need to do is turn around. And I'll be there. I'll always have your back.

xoxo