Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Missing Socks



"I not know the difference between impressionism and expressionism. To me, both seem one and the same. They both take my breath away..."

I thought of you,
As the day begins,
And you are not nearly here,
Can't put into words,
But the sun shined anyway..

I can't go back,
So I put my hat on,
Quietly I let myself into the day,
Left home with a cup of coffee,
Watched as the door closed behind me...

Trodding on the fallen leaves,
Like stepping on different memories,
I'm always a little too late,
What can I say?
Maybe someday I'll make my own fate...

I don't know much,
I don't know where my favorite pair of socks went,
And you are not nearly here,
Can't put into words,
But I think of you...

x

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Different Each Time



"...irrevocably, utterly, undisputedly broken. Hearts so often disintegrate and forms whole again in time. But it loses something each time. So I am each time a different person. I am not me..."

There is something that is different in these past days. I find it harder to breathe. Inhale. Exhale. I can't even bring myself to sit through completing writing a chapter nor finishing a sketch. Inhale. Exhale. Have I stopped working somehow? Like a broken clockwork contraption. Am I missing a piece of me? Inhale. Exhale. I'm looking ahead, staring at the walls in front. And I see only emptiness. What does all of this mean? I wish there is a booth somewhere that I can go to and just ask for answers. A place where they sell meaning on top of little wishes and bright sunshine in mason jars.

"Run away." I hear it at the back of my head all the time. A tiny whisper. A soft prayer. And I am on the verge to heed...

x

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Intangible Exoticism


"...in those things that we cannot touch with our hands, in which we lose our souls to, these are what makes life an intangible exoticism..."

If I close my eyes, I can picture Paris on a rainy day. You know, the kind of rain that teases rather than drenches? That's what I see whenever I'm listening to Erik Satie. Have I told you that he is one of my favorite pianist? He's not traditionally classical. His works have a hint of jazziness to them. At least that's how I hear them. He emerged somewhere towards the end of the romantic era but his works are some of the most romantic that I've heard. Maybe it just appeals to me. I don't know. I can never really tell with these things. Sometimes there are some things that appeal to your heart and you don't have any answers as to why. And to me, that's okay. I'm curious yes but I'm not insistent on having answers to everything. A rainbow is beautiful just because it is.

Anyway, I met someone that I had not met in close to a year the other day. It was nice to be remembered. Anyone who says otherwise is just in denial. Oh how I love the little things. In a life full of thorns, I live my days in search of the roses in between. It might not be much, but it is enough.

Oh how doth my heart beats,
Oh how do I venture forth?
Now that I've again fallen,
For what I once had fallen for
Even for a brief moment...
Just a smile,
A glimpse of starry eyes,
And that voice,
The one that strums a symphony,
Surreal...
It all felt surreal,
Like stumbling into a lost dream,
Like dispersing into a song,
I always knew,
That weakness in me,
So I clench my heart,
Made sure it did not fly out,
In search of that brief moment,
Breathe in and exhale,
Maybe,
When my eyes open one of these mornings,
I find that smile by my side...
xoxo

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

A Little R&R


"...in times when we not know, is the time when we learn..."

It's really funny how we take for granted the most basic of stuff. I've recently gone for a minor surgery and it has left me somewhat challenged - movement wise. I wouldn't say I'm paralysed. Nope. That would be an 
exeggeration :p But it's suffice to say that I am disabled comparatively. 
I always thought that staying at home, in bed would be heaven. How wrong was I. Just 2 days into this and I am developing a severe case of cabin fever. I mean seriously. Sitting down in one position for hours on
is not fun. Yeah I have a 52 inch televsion in front of me but I soon realize that satellite/cable tv are predictable what with them running re-runs 90% of the time! If I'm not sitting in an awkward position, then I
would be lying on my bed - either just resting or sleeping. Yes, yes. most of you would be thinking - "OMG how awesome is that!!" But no, not for me. Lying down staring at the ceiling is boring. Sleeping too much is boring and I get this annoying pounding headache everytime I wake up from sleeping during odd hours of the day (stupid medications!).
So yeah. I miss being able to just jump out of bed and moving about to go do whatever the hell I want. And I actually miss going to work. Yes, I am not making that up. I know that I need to go through this in order to get better. Doctor's orders - plenty of bed rest! But I just can't help but feel annoyed about it all.
I am praying that I recover really quickly. It's me being a little bit naive and hopeful (official time-to-heal = atleast 1 month!). But there's no harm in a little hope. For now, I am trying my best to enjoy the time given to me to rest and recover. Try Skye!

xoxo

Friday, February 7, 2014

Obscura


"...sometimes I hide under covers, in the darkness of night, just to wait for the light..."

Imagine taking a picture with a camera obscura. Imagine holding a pose for more than 20 minutes. Imagine that. What do you think? Especially in the world that we live in now where time is everything and that snapping a picture in seconds is practically second nature.
            But I do wonder. About the camera obscura. That simple pinhole camera that have existed for a very long time. I wonder what it would be like to be standing in front of one – posing. But what goes through my mind is not how tiresome it would be. Instead, I am slightly dazed. Dazed in a good way – somewhere in the lines of amazed, yes. But why? Because you see, this ancient invention whose name literally just means ‘darkened room’ forced something that has long since to have been forgotten by men - men in pursuit of progress. The camera obscura forced you to live a moment in time. Long enough to get lost in it. Long enough for it to mean something and by which becomes meaningless as the next moment crashes into you to take its rightful place in your life. That’s what I think of about the camera obscura.
       And when I do think of it, though not as often as you might think I do, I look to my modern camera - this innovative device born from the brilliant obscura, whose name had also been passed down by it. How many times have I picked it up and clicked away blindly?
        So many sentiments we have lost through time. So many treasures, simple yet obscurely profound, like the camera obscura, the pinhole wonder box, the darkened room that lighted many hearts and minds.

xoxo

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

2014



"...once I wanted to be the greatest. No wind nor waterfall can stall me. And then came the rush of the flood, stars of night turned deep to dust..."
~Cat Power~

It's January. It's a new year. And the past year, I've felt like I've been hovering in some sort of limbo. I was neither here nor there. Not entirely lost, yet not found neither. I've had to search for my smile regularly. I've discovered parts of myself that I had never known to exist. And there were parts that I hid from the world.

It's January. It's a new year. I wish it would be a weird one. A weird wish I know. But time moves in a linear, forward progression and I am no God to stop it. Like a stranger on a train, I travel ahead, a reluctant slave to this momentum. Where am I heading? I cannot tell. But forward I go. I can only hope that on my way, I find the things that can fill my soul with much love and light.

It's January. It's a new year...

xoxo

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Self Preservation...


...I wanna close my eyes and never open them again...

I should not have left the island. I knew better. I remember telling myself not to. But I didn't listen. I thought it would be different. I believed and now I'm left to fend for myself again. I should have known that there is no
other place that welcomes me. The island is where I had been. It is where I should remain. Why did I believe?

Et je pense à ces instants fragiles,
ces quelques jours tout près de toi,
et je reviens seule sur cette île
puisque la vie passe et puis s'en va...

Et je pense à ces instants fragiles,
ces quelques jours tout près de toi,
et je reviens seule sur cette île
puisque la vie passe... sans toi...
-Circus-

x